Sandra BlandTamir RiceBlack Lives Matter

How does one find words to describe such barbaric acts of hate, white privilege and what for me is so obvious and yet for others, so many others voluntary blindness when it comes to what is happening in America against people of color. I don't know that I should be surprised given the truth about Americas racial history. Not the history you were taught out of textbooks written to romance and glorify atrocious acts against Native American Indians, African Americans, Mexicans, Asians and all other persons of color in the US past and present but the truth. We are still walking through revolving doors that should never have existed and instead of tearing them down they have been plated with white privilege and hate.

I have a profound love of God, I worship God and believe in God and this guides me and allows me to embrace not disgrace to chose light over darkness, hope over despair, goodness over evil, love over hate and kiss not kill. It seems simple to me but with recent events in the US regarding the beatings and murders of persons of color its clear that hate is the emotion of choice to the masses. It is beyond my scope of understanding or acceptance. As adults we should hold each other to the same standard of measure that we place on children when it comes to how to treat one another and how to behave but clearly we do not.

When I say with all my heart that there is an agenda by government and policing agencies to hire or put into positions of power people that will first cause harm and when at all possible murder people of color, children or adults, I absolutely do believe it with every fiber of my being. Sandra Bland is one of many who have been murdered by police because of the color of her skin. I stand behind the Black Lives Matter movement with as much devotion and support as I have to my love, worship and faith in God. It is a righteous call for equality and respect of persons who deserve to be treated with the same measure of civil reverence as anyone else and as is guaranteed by the Charters of Freedom for one and all.


We know the cliché’s all too well, “Life is not a bed of roses,” “Life is not fair, no one said it would be this hard,” so I don’t need you like you don’t need me or anyone else using them along with psychology 101’s tower of Babel bullshit as a means of validation of the value of life. Frankly and with all of my heart I can truthfully say that the argument could easily be made that life as we know it in this world today probably isn't worth living. With that said, if you are willing to sit with me on a branch of the most beautiful tree on earth, 'The Tree of Life' in terms of love, faith and hope, love being the greatest, life is definitely not worth throwing away to death. I say this to you with complete certainty and from my own cold, hard ass black moments where even the shadows screamed. When I found myself at my own rock bottom unlike most people I wasn’t satisfied I yelled up for a pick and shovel. It’s not that I wasn’t afraid I was occupied by my state of being and it was distracting enough until someone actually threw down the shovel which hit me in the head and the pick that went right through my heart. The darkness dissipated and for the first time in years I could see where I had allowed myself to venture to. There I was deep into one of the worst points of my life in the middle of the ‘Ungodly Woods’. In a fraction of a second at the speed of light I saw the truth and it came to me that there was nothing that I had ever done or that had been done to me by another that could not be brought out of the darkness and into the light. Not to imply that I ever believed that there would not be consequences or responsibility on my part for where I was. I finally understood what it meant in the Lord’s Prayer where it reads; as we forgive we are also forgiven

I found myself overwhelmed not with the loss of once loved but with the realization that everyone that I had counted as a close and dear friend was dead. Deep in emotional debt and feeling strangled by my woes I contemplated a downward spiral into any of a number of states of depression? That wasn’t going to work for me, I had already battled addiction[s] to methamphetamine and cocaine, had several unhealthy romances/relationships and affairs. It became a million reasons; the combination of a few circumstances, or even just that one online scam to which I was victim that nearly destroyed me. I persevered through to the very last of the 'ifs and finally it was an act of betrayal by someone that I love more than I had ever allowed myself to love anyone that sent my heart, mind, soul, spirit and being out of control and too close to that ‘edge’. I know a lot of you don’t want to read this but it was my faith in God that got me through it. Life is so complicated today I don’t understand how anyone can get through without faith. We are expected to be able to manage and multi-task from morning till dusk and then more. Some of us are not as able to cope and just don’t have the strength that others may or may not seem to have. Be assured that we all have times when weakness is prevalent and relative to our struggles. Its true some people are genuinely stronger and have better coping skills but then there are those that are great actors and they go home and suffer alone behind closed doors just like the rest. The sun rises and sets on all of us; on good and evil so don’t be fooled into believing that you don’t have it within you to get over and past the hurdles. In those times when you need to ask for help ask for it, there is no shame in needing others or asking for help. I don't profess to have the answers; I do believe that when one takes their own life they are interfering with their predestined time of death. So like the platelets of the earth shift causing havoc with this planet, so then does death by suicide do the same, creating an event that unfolds in the unknown realms. The life lost to suicide is no longer going to be in place where and when it was intended to be. All the lives that should have been touched by the presence of the person who commits suicide are now set to, alternate. I think we all know that the alternate plan is never as great or good as the first. Maybe that’s why we most often lead into things with, “What’s my first choice? Life over death, love over hate, good over evil, faith over disbelieve, hope over despair, light over darkness, kiss over kill and embrace not disgrace.

If you find yourself at the edge of a cliff, wondering, "Is life worth living" Please! Stop wondering! Take a deep breath and a few steps in the direction of safe. Pray, pick-up a phone, even if all that's available is a neighbor’s door knock on it, fuck! Knock it the hell down if you have to! Call any one of the numerous help-lines available, here are a few, Befrienders Worldwide or The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 800-273-8255 which can be accessed through the internet or by telephone 7/24 in the United States only. The Trevor Project Lifeline 866-488-7386 is the only nationwide, around-the-clock crisis and suicide prevention helpline for lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth to date (2013).

Your presence here on earth is important and needed! You are valued! You are loved! You are beautiful! Please! Don't give up on love, faith or hope. Don't give up on humanity. Don't give up on prayer. Don't give up on kindness. Don't give up on grace. Don't give up on *God and I love you, I really do!

Swashbuckling Faith based Queer by Violetarojo ©Petra Maricela Thompson Violetarojo, an illustration of Violetarojo standing on the rigging of a vessel out at sea emerging from the asphalt of a highway.
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